Amalgamated Metal Screw Co. of Bismark, North Dakota is a comedy about a woman who tries to reach a department by phone and is jerked around by Donny Copeland for a few minutes.

Before I ever watched this thing, I saw the mini poster for it in James and Robert's dormitory (they keep a large display of all their posters in mini form) and thought that it looked very intriguing, mainly because of the bizarre title. It could be their best title to date. However, it might be my least favorite thing out of everything they've ever done. Divination is shit, but I don't know if it's shit like this. I think in order to enjoy this movie, you have to love Donny Copeland, which I sadly don't. But probably my least favorite thing about it is the fact that the main gag was stolen right out of The Cable Guy. And I love The Cable Guy. But I hate stolen gags. Almost as much as I hate calling departments. Would this movie be better if the gag wasn't stolen? Maybe a little.

Some notes:

- If they made this movie today, I can guarantee James and Robert would put no opening or closing credits.

- When the operator tells her the phone number she needs, Carol Dastoli writes it down too soon. She writes the digits as they are being simultaneously spoken. So unless she's meant to be a cyborg with access to the speed force, they should've delayed the footage by another millisecond or so.

- When Donny Copeland finally says the name of the department she wants, Carol has already hanged herself. But what was his plan here? We never find out, and why should we? This movie already has one joke. They can't just start throwing in all kinds of other jokes. I mean, what is this, a movie that has more than one joke? I don't think so.

- Props provided by Tom Berry? I knew something couldn't be this bad without Tom Berry being somehow involved.

The only good thing to come out of this movie is the appearance of a twinkie that would later inspire James and Robert to include twinkies in the home of the Donny Copeland character in Errand Boys, leading to a couple of pretty decent twinkie-related improvisations by yours truly.

Here is what the Dastolis have to say about Amalgamated Metal Screw Co. of Bismark, North Dakota:

ROBERT:

"Amalgamated was shot the day after a marching band competition, so Donny had a green handstamp on his hand. If you look closely or if you know it is there I think you can see it. I'm making this up as I go right now, but an explanation for that in the in universe Amalgamated could be that he hasn't washed his hands since he was at the Miami Beach Dog Racing that he's reading the program for in the beginning."

JAMES:

"When Amalgamated was made, it was very well recieved, but now everyone hates it. I think the main problem is that it is about three times longer than it should be."

Really, James? What's three times zero seconds? Good poster, though.